Be the Change

I used to welcome change and bend like a reed to the winds of the unknown, taking pride in spontaneity and living in the moment. Today I start a new job at a large computer retail store, and I am filled with fear. Fear that I'm making the wrong decision, fear of the pay cut by almost half, of not being able to use tickets to a Broadway show with my wife this week due to my unusual schedule (seems petty, but we have little money to spend on Broadway shows and we had to see a friend of ours perform), and, especially, fear of not seeing my wife.

The three days of part-time work will be the opposite of the daily corporate routine that Julie will continue working. My schedule is at night, and that cuts into our moral support of each other getting through the day. I know we'll be fine, but this is a drastic change. I'll be getting home in the early morning hours just before she is waking up. People do it all the time, but it's new to us.

It's only temporary, we always say, on the great journey of our goal-oriented lives, and working with this company is, intellectually, a big deal. Emotionally and financially, however, it feels like the wrong decision. Maybe in the next few months, as they see my dedication to learning and the job, I'll get a raise and/or change positions. Maybe that is when I'll feel like I've made the right decision. When we move to California, and getting a job this company is easy, then my decision will feel better.

I'm also diving into a completely new environment; retail is a sector I avoided die-hard, as I sought to become an engineer in the past and actor in the present. I've worked in offices, waited tables, bartended, been a bellboy, catered parties, and of course, acted, but never have I crosed into the realm of retail. Aah, I'll be fine. I'm already over it as I write.

I just hope that the goals that I've set for myself, that I'm working toward, and the reason for being in New York - to be a working actor that can live off of work - will benefit by the choices my wife and I are making now. I also want to be paid for writing, so this ongoing blog is practice for the future.

Without this free resource that I learned about during my interview process, this continuous creative outlet might still be a twinkle in my subconcious. Though, I plan to graduate to another blogging website, purely my own with my own web address, so that I can join the blogging community. Blogger, Wordpress and beyond!

The love in my heart is what drives me forward, for my life and for my wife. Without her support and love, I wouldn't be making this change. With her, I feel all things are possible.