PR 5th Ave '08

This is a view of the Puerto Rican Day Parade New York City.  In NYC, there are approximately 800,000.  On Puerto Rico, there are 3.9 million, a relative size difference of one-fifth.  It's their island.

Take Another Little Piece of My Heart (or Groove is in the Heart)

On Friday, March 14, 2008, our life as we know it has changed. Gone are the days of fear, that her heart will beat at 250 beats per minute, detouring our day or night from the highway of normal life. She decided to get it done, the brave one, after years of bearing down, breathing deep when she could not breathe, swallowing beta-blockers to inhibit cardiac stress, yet affecting her stare, that everything was cool and easy with her beta blocked. Then deciding to not block the beta because normal life did not feel so normal.

She chose to move forward, after years of postponement, and go with the odds, that 99 percent of the time, it will be a success. That's what William Slater, M.D., said, although after the ablation was done, the doctors agreed it was a 96 percent success that she was cured of Supraventricular tachycardia, SVT, the true inhibitor of normal life.

Diagnosed in 1999, Julie has lived with SVT her whole life, at least one major SVT attack per year, and daily bouts of arrhythmia.  I have witnessed, I believe, more than four attacks, three taking her to the ER, with me by her side, and guilt by my side, since an episode or two was preceded by a heated argument. My uncertain count is not due to a cavalier view on her heart condition, but due to not knowing what to include, because the small episodes that lasted for short periods of time are so numerous to count.

This is when the bearing down and breathing deep would come into play, where I would close the door and sit on the toilet of our one-room studio apartment, so that she could lie still on the bed and not feel the stress of my gaze, which only added to the stress during her attempt to be still her beating heart.

As I experienced more, and our apartments grew larger, I learned to take a breathe and leave the room, knowing that she can control them, and hoping that we wouldn't need another ambulance, and that her heart would return to 90 beats per minute, her normal resting heart rate, thanks to the extra pathway.

This is how Adam Slotnick, M.D. described it, or my interpretation of his accurate portrayal. Through the heart, electrical impulses flow down a normal pathway like a highway. In Julie's situation, and many others' as well, there is a service road off that highway, flowing down and back around on itself, in a loop. Sometimes, the blood and electrical impulses exits off the highway, detouring onto that service road, and getting stuck in the loop, unable to get back onto the main highway. The heart pumps harder, attempting to compensate for the loss of traffic on the highway, but that compensation only speeds the heart up more, because all traffic has been redirected to that looping service road. This is when the 250 beats per minute comes into play, and where I'm hailing a cab to the hospital, if the bearing down or breathing easy does not help - bearing down meaning an attempt to constrict the chest cavity and through muscularity, control the heartbeat.

But it is done. The service road has been closed off, thanks to the brilliance of the NYU Medical Center team of Dr. Patel, Dr. Aizer, and Dr. Neil Bernstein. Also included in that are the warm and comforting nursing team of Yuri, Juliet and Elisa (I don't know their last names). The team performed a Catheter Ablation, by inserting electrode catheters into veins by her groin, on both sides, snaking wires past her abdomen and up to the heart.  One of those wires sent radio-frequency electrical energy, burning the tissue of the heart, and closing the service road, forcing the heart to conduct along the normal highway.  This is all done in three to four hours.

After the ablation is complete, they test, and test some more, by adding adrenalin to her body, forcing her heart to beat faster, and verifying that the extra pathway is, indeed, closed.  When Julie was in recovery, Dr. Patel visited her and conveyed to us that during that testing, her heart never surpassed 120 beats per minute... I have to re-emphasize... 120 beats per minute.  I am tearing up now, as I write.  I rarely ever use this word, but it's a miracle.  Cured is the word the doctors used, although they must qualify that statement, by saying, we, doctors, never use that word, but in this case, she is cured.

I didn't see the actual procedure that cured, or caused a miracle; I only saw evidence to that  truth, a resting heart rate of 75 beats per minute.  So now being home with her, minus the daily arrhythmia, I hold a special place in my heart for the fifth floor of NYU's Medical Center, at First Avenue and 31st Street, within the Cardiac Catheterization and Electrophysiology department.  This is where Julie's life was changed, and in turn, our lives together.  We have spent time enough on that detour, and it is time to re-enter the highway of normal life.

"Falling Slowly"

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova have completely inspired me, and it helps me to state, I still believe. The belief is in creation and artistry and opening oneself up to the expressive force without looking for consequence.

Who would have known two years ago that these two songwriters would have found their voice in their tiny indie film, which would then lead them to an Academy Award. It helps me take stock on where I am artistically in my life. Doing it for myself, my own freedom, my own sanity.

I must remind myself, it's the journey, allowing myself to fall slowly into the current and let it sweep me away into the undiscovered country of my soul.

Refreshing start...

Refreshing start...

It's been a while since I've written anything, and I feel a creative hole because of it. I don't even know where to begin. I feel like after I have my Valentne's day gift, the massage given so thoughtfully by my sweet shim, I can begin to reinvigorate my creative life a little.

In my recent experience, making a short video blog, sketch or whatever was so easy to do, and uploading it is just as easy, I know it's time for me to move forward with this, just to get my juices flowing again. It's not about the end result, but the creative process to allow myself a medium to express myself on a regular basis, an experiment with technology & pop culture, and I get to have fun in the process.

I spent about a half hour making the last video for Julie on V-day, and that's about all I really need to expect from myself, so I can lower expectations, overcome my fears, and just put something out there, into the Ether-net.

I could write something first then perform it. I could improv on camera and edit it. I can just talk or take the camera with me wherever I go and let it out. That's my prerogative and that's my freedom. It's up to me and I decide what to do. That's one lesson I'm getting from my genius training. I make judgment calls and take responsibility on decisions about people's lives, why not my own?